If I wasn't me, I would look at this post and think, hmm, she MUST be self-sabotaging. She MUST be afraid of success, or of making her dreams come true or of L.A. traffic. Because there is NO way that such accidental stupidity exists in nature. Nature is not such a cruel b!tch. Well, except to impalas, of course. Nature's Lunchables they are.
Confused? Me too. So let's begin, shall we? Let's unravel the mystery of me and my pseudonym Id, which is now officially short for "Idiot."
Here is the e-mail I received last night from NBC's Writers on the Verge program:
Dear Ms. _____,
We have received your application and need you to make the following changes to the release form:
page 1 - please add your name in the "submitted by" line.
page 2 - please include the principal characters
Please email back the revised release and in the subject line of your email please put: WOTV-revisions
Submissions NBC Universal
It was not a surprise that I needed to make the change to page 1. I had long ago realized I left my name off this form and I had corrected the mistake immediately. So they didn't get it last week. No big deal. The second correction request though, I wasn't expecting. That particular item was optional so I had passed originally, and left it blank. So, impressed as I was that NBC didn't just chuck out my application based on these omissions, I was immediately grateful and this morning, promptly re-sent my application. Fine, right? Wrong.
Last night was a bad one. I tossed and turned until 4 am and woke, horribly, three hours later magically unable to return to sleep. Instead, I unplugged my laptop and sat on the couch to correct the mistakes I had made. And instead, I made more. Worse more.
Somehow -- again, magically -- I ended up sending the poor intern MY ENTIRE DOCUMENTS FOLDER. The whole f-ing thing!!! How? I have no idea! It just happened! It rained here last night and although it makes no good sense, for some reason this act of nature seems to be linked to Internet meltdowns in my house. So in the middle of attaching the proper file, we had one of those meltdowns and, when things cleared up and I checked my "Sent" folder to make sure the delicate operation had succeeded, I saw, again, horribly, that every document I had worked on in 2010 went through!! WTF?!
I had to immediately re-send the proper file with this sad sad little note:
I just checked my "sent" folder and, aside from my revised release form, it looks like my whole documents folder also got sent to you! If it managed to get into your inbox, I'm so sorry! Not sure how that happened. I promise that I'm not usually such an impressive screw-up! The proper file did get sent to you in the next e-mail, however. I hope you received this one! If you could send me a confirmation email, that would be great.
Sorry about all this!
Bad enough, right? WRONG. In the e-mail from NBC, a specific subject line was requested. But of course, because this is the sort of life I'm living right now, I f-ed that up too! Which means that I had to send a third (!!!!) e-mail with the proper file AND subject line. I could not bring myself to even acknowledge this error so I simply re-sent the file with no mention of the error. As if what? She wouldn't notice? She wouldn't break out into laughter, forward the whole icky mess throughout the office and promptly chuck my application into the trash?
The life of an impala doesn't seem so bad right now. Yeah sure, my lifespan would be short and twitchy but I'd least I'd have an assistant.