Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It's t-shirt time, Paris Review

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."


"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."


"Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage."


"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."


"Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."


"I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."


The above was a tasty sampling from Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's new book, which is a work of FICTION by the way, called A Shore Thing.
I thought I'd post about it because I like to give young, struggling authors like Snooki and Franco my support whenever I can. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to call someone a f%#$ing c&%$, punch them in the face, rip out their hair extensions, and get me a book deal.

4 comments:

  1. The only reason they are published is because they are famous. It is sad. Really.

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  2. So true, Jon. (But I'm still jealous.)

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  3. It seems we share this pet peeve. My husband always alerts me to these book deals because he knows how much I love them. I just had a nice chuckle at your Franco post. I'm jealous too.

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  4. Oh Tara, if we didn't laugh we'd cry, right? :)

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