Thursday, July 21, 2011

Is this trend dead yet? Because my character is.

Because I found it so therapeutic to post one of my edited-out characters on this blog last week, I thought I'd do it again. The character who I'm ridding my book of this time is a crude young man with a penchant for swearing and racism named Anton. He, much like Lily, was nothing more than a fun character to write. He said stupid things in a stupid way, and I got some laughs at his expense. But he did nothing to help progress my plot. And so, Anton, you're out of the book. Take your bow now, you beefy ingrate... if you can bend over in that tight t-shirt:

The chair surrendered to his body as he shifted his weight into it, the plastic creaking under his heft. He wore an Ed Hardy shirt because he was expected to and a leather jacket I felt sorry for. The poor thing tried its best to stretch out over its owner’s beastly muscles, but it was too tired so it just gave up--gathering in maxed-out creases and folds where his biceps erupted south of his shoulders.

“I fell for this hot Witness chick," he said. "She was hot, like really hot, and she told me that Armageddon was coming. And this was right around 9/11, you know? I mean, there were bodies falling out of buildings falling out planes falling out of... Shit, what was that phrase she used? Hegemonic world order. The skies had opened up and reigned down, she said, the final sign before the end. And I bought it. She got me all riled up saying that was the final straw and did I know what team I was playing for because God was coming. She even knew I was into sports and she used it, you know? How’d she know that? Anyways, I’m still here, the world is still here, the girl is gone and so is all my stuff. She said she gave it to some fucking pioneers in the Middle East. Pakis maybe, or Indians. All I know is I got screwed and I gave her permission. What kind of pussy does that make me?"

Goodbye, Anton. I won't miss you one bit.

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