Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Elusive Authorwannabeus: A David Attenborough Special

"Look look! We've spotted her! The elusive 'Emily' -- a member of the bespectacled Authorwannabeus species! She was tagged months ago by a research team from the Iowa Writers' Workshop but has eluded detection ever since! Hurrah!

My guide has just informed me that 'Emily' is at work on novel #2 and is preparing to enter a self-imposed literary hibernation. She's already been noticeably absent from her favourite brunch habitats, apparently, and her blog, barring a whiny rant now and then, has been all but abandoned. Goodness me! Aren't we lucky to catch a glimpse!

Now let's try to get a bit closer. Careful now. We don't want to scare her off. Authorwannabeuses are notoriously skittish, not to mention highly defensive when it comes to their work.

Oh my -- look at those haunches! She's already put on the excess weight she believes is required to get her through the long, hard, lonely months ahead. Interesting fact: Unlike the brown bear (Ursus arctos), the Authorwannabeus eats throughout her period of hibernation. In fact, she consumes rather a lot, often binging on corn chips and generic Swedish Berries. Simply fascinating creature.

Wait, what's this? She's doing something! She's... No! Could we really be so lucky? She is! She is banging her head against the keyboard! This is the stuff of Authorwannabeus legend -- a tall tale told by barristas and librarians, but never before documented on film! What a day this has been for science!"


  1. Haha. You're funny, man. Nothing wrong with starting the next novel. In fact, it can be so damn liberating, as long as you survive the headbanger's ball.

    Good luck with the writing.



    1. "The headbanger's ball." Ha! I like that.

      I don't know, Jackson. I think there IS something very very wrong with the way I'm starting the next novel. Should there be so much blood?

  2. I love David Attenborough.