Thursday, February 20, 2014

I'm gonna buy all the straws!

I sold my first novel!

Well, not exactly. (Notice how almost all the good news on this blog is fake or some sort of tease for the less-good truth? That is %$*#ing depressing. Why do you read such a depressing blog about writing? If I were you, I'd check out this blog instead: theblabbermouthblog.com. Or this one: books.macedo.ca.) Here's what actually happened.

Aside from me and my agent Linda, my younger sister Kathleen is the only other person on the planet who has read my novel in its current form. This is her holding my other sister’s awesome new baby, Quinn:


Doesn’t Kathleen exude coolness and kindness? Standing there with a sideways baby, her soothing thumb in Quinn's gummy mouth? Kathleen is much, much cooler than me. If she had a blog, I’d refer you over there, too.

Because she has a heart of gold and is generally very savvy about how to make people feel good about themselves, she came up with a fabulous idea: she paid me for my novel! The other day, she handed me a book store gift card, telling me that she was my first sale. See? Cool.

With the proceeds of the "sale," I bought these babies:


Designer smoothie straws! And a novel, of course: The Rehearsal by Eleanor Catton.

Let me be the first to tell you that a wildly inflated, pretend royalty cheque is a beautiful thing. If I ever get another one, you can bet I'll be buying the rainbow straws, too.

I know this will likely fall pancake flat in today's climate of FREE CONTENT FOR ALL! and STEALING IS FINE! -- but here's a wild idea I'd like to table. To the pleasure readers of unpublished manuscripts, why not take a page from Kathleen Saso's book and offer the author a little gift, a small token to make them feel like a professional, like what they've slaved over is worth something. Only pay the author if you like the manuscript, of course. If you don’t, then never speak to that %$*#ing loser again. 

Now who's with me?

6 comments:

  1. I'm with you! And major congrats to your growing family. Quinn is adorable! Your sister, too.

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    1. She really is adorable! I think I'm going to love being an aunt. All the fun, none of the responsibility. Sounds ideal.

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    2. Yeah. I thought of that too late. But good for you!

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    3. I get too distracted by overpriced acrylic straws, R.L. -- I could never be a responsible parent.

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  2. Love the idea. Love the straws. Love Quinn's fauxhawk.

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    1. That's because you have impeccable taste, Corinna. You know a good fauxhawk when you see one.

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