Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Seven Stages of _____ Prize Disappointment*

(*The role of Emily Saso will be played by Emily Saso's adorable niece Quinn.)



Stage 1: Unbridled excitement
Yay! The novel I ordered is here! I'm so excited! It won the 2016 _____ Prize so I know I'm going to love it more than I've loved anything ever! Yay!





Stage 2: Premature super-fandom
The first chapter is AHmazing! I totally get why it won the 2016 ____ Prize! I'm going to tweet and Instagram and blog and Facebook about it even though I have 300 pages left to go and so much could go wrong! Wheee! 





Stage 3: Denial 
I'm 50 pages in! It's taking me longer than it should because I keep thinking about the butter tart I hid in the fridge and so I have to re-read each line! Does that mean the novel is boring? Impossible! It won the 2016 ____ Prize! It's perfection! Maybe if I eat the butter tart I'll be able to focus? My face hurts from smiling so hard, though, so I don't think I can chew... Oh well! Boooook!





Stage 4: Losing faith, but clinging to hope 
Um, excuse me for a minute, but where's the plot? This is mostly a character slinging his emotions about. Maybe plot will come into play soon? It has to. It won the mother-f---ing 2016 ____ Prize, yo! Keep reading keep reading...





Stage 5: Utter disbelief
There's no plot? Like, at all? So the whole book is just these three narrators with three different perspectives on the same non-event event? WTF?





Stage 6: All-consuming rage
You're kidding me! That's it? This horribly unsatisfying ending that raises more questions than it answers? %$%$*($()ing ####! How the hell am I going to talk about this book with my smart friends? I have NO IDEA what this ending means! And where is that goddamn butter tart?!





Stage 7: Recidivism 
But it's all okay because the winner of the 2015 _____ Prize just arrived! Yay!




6 comments:

  1. Well, this is the cutest blind item ever. Very curious to know what book you read ... assuming that The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a stand in too.

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    1. Haha yes, nothing against The Very Hungry Caterpillar. There is one book in particular that inspired this post, but really this is a repeated cycle of mine every year with every big prize. My hopes are always way too high!

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  2. Sooooo.... DID SHE GET THE BUTTER TART???

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  3. What can we do to get a more convincing "all-consuming rage" photo? ;)

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    Replies
    1. Jump on her trampoline the wrong way and she will unleash the baby rage.

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