Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Seven Stages of _____ Prize Disappointment*

(*The role of Emily Saso will be played by Emily Saso's adorable niece Quinn.)

Stage 1: Unbridled excitement
Yay! The novel I ordered is here! I'm so excited! It won the 2016 _____ Prize so I know I'm going to love it more than I've loved anything ever! Yay!

Stage 2: Premature super-fandom
The first chapter is AHmazing! I totally get why it won the 2016 ____ Prize! I'm going to tweet and Instagram and blog and Facebook about it even though I have 300 pages left to go and so much could go wrong! Wheee! 

Stage 3: Denial 
I'm 50 pages in! It's taking me longer than it should because I keep thinking about the butter tart I hid in the fridge and so I have to re-read each line! Does that mean the novel is boring? Impossible! It won the 2016 ____ Prize! It's perfection! Maybe if I eat the butter tart I'll be able to focus? My face hurts from smiling so hard, though, so I don't think I can chew... Oh well! Boooook!

Stage 4: Losing faith, but clinging to hope 
Um, excuse me for a minute, but where's the plot? This is mostly a character slinging his emotions about. Maybe plot will come into play soon? It has to. It won the mother-f---ing 2016 ____ Prize, yo! Keep reading keep reading...

Stage 5: Utter disbelief
There's no plot? Like, at all? So the whole book is just these three narrators with three different perspectives on the same non-event event? WTF?

Stage 6: All-consuming rage
You're kidding me! That's it? This horribly unsatisfying ending that raises more questions than it answers? %$%$*($()ing ####! How the hell am I going to talk about this book with my smart friends? I have NO IDEA what this ending means! And where is that goddamn butter tart?!

Stage 7: Recidivism 
But it's all okay because the winner of the 2015 _____ Prize just arrived! Yay!


  1. Well, this is the cutest blind item ever. Very curious to know what book you read ... assuming that The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a stand in too.

    1. Haha yes, nothing against The Very Hungry Caterpillar. There is one book in particular that inspired this post, but really this is a repeated cycle of mine every year with every big prize. My hopes are always way too high!

  2. Sooooo.... DID SHE GET THE BUTTER TART???

  3. What can we do to get a more convincing "all-consuming rage" photo? ;)

    1. Jump on her trampoline the wrong way and she will unleash the baby rage.